“And resistance, at root, I think must mean more than resistance against war. It is a resistance against all kinds of things that are like war. Because living in modern society, one feels that he cannot easily retain integrity, wholeness. One is robbed permanently of humanness, the capacity of being oneself…. So perhaps, first of all, resistance means opposition to being invaded, occupied, assaulted, and destroyed by the system. The purpose of resistance, here, is to seek the healing of yourself in order to be able to see clearly…. Communities of resistance should be places where people can return to themselves more easily, where the conditions are such that they can heal themselves and recover their wholeness.”
The above is an excerpt from The Raft Is Not the Shore, authored by two virtuous men, Daniel Berrigan and Thich Nhat Hanh. Hooks reminds us that the slogan “Make love not war” was formed in resistance to patriarchal masculinity. She also discloses that Daniel was arrested for antiwar activities. America is a funny place, this other time on TV, I saw an elderly man get arrested for feeding homeless people. How just is the justice system?
To acquire the fine art of loving men, there should be a concerted effort to end patriarchy in society. Before that happens, we can start engaging in simple productive tasks such as raising boys differently. Raising them to be what most men are not, empathetic and strong; autonomous and connected; responsible to self, family, friends and to society; able to make community rooted in recognition of interbeing. Only then can we have assurance for a solid bedrock of love.
To have loving men and boys, they must be emotionally aware. Zukav and Francis offer a favourable interpretation of the term: “Emotional awareness is more than applying techniques to this circumstance or that circumstance. It is a natural expression of an orientation that turns your attention toward the most noble, fulfilling, joyful, and empowering part of yourselves that you can reach for. That is your soul.”
Shere Hite, in her massive study Women and Love: A Cultural Revolution In Progress uncovers a magnetic observation that “strangely, hauntingly, most women in this study – whether married, single or divorced, of all ages – say they have not yet found the love they are looking for.” This is beyond a good enough reason for men to cultivate emotional awareness. What’s even more intriguing is that it is a problem shared by all women, whether they support patriarchy and its undesirable offsprings or not.
Love matters because when men love, from Hooks’ perspective, it changes the nature of their sexuality, both how they think about sex and how they perform sexually. She explains that many men fear learning to love because they cannot imagine sexuality beyond the patriarchal model. She predicts that in a world where men love, a focus on eros and eroticism will naturally replace male obsession with sex.
Are you aware of tantric sex? Sacred sex? If those did not trigger you to educate yourself about sex, this should. I agree with Hooks when she declares that patriarchy has sought to repress and tame erotic passion precisely because of its power to draw us into greater and greater communion with ourselves, with those we know intimately, and with the stranger.
Why?
While you figure it out, may I inform you that I have come across the above message too many times for it to be anything less than a fact. If I did not make you sit upright and bring your screen closer to your face, Frank Browning in A Queer Geography draws an important difference between gay identity politics, which often shuts down connection, and a commitment to eros and eroticism that broadens connections:
“By erotic, I mean all powerful attractions we might have: for mentoring and being mentored, for unrealizable flirtation, for intellectual tripping, for sweaty mateship at play or at work, for spiritual ecstasy, for being held in silent grief, for explosives rage at a common enemy, for the sublime love of friendship. All or none of these ways of loving might be connected to the fact that I usually have sex with men because all these loves can and do happen with both men and women in my life.”
To me, the fine art of loving men is synonymous to the fine art of loving women, we cannot have one without the other. We are equally responsible for the nightmares of patriarchy and equally capable to make them sweet dreams. As the age old adage runs, it takes two to tango. In that spirit, both men and women must have the will to change.
I would be extremely ecstatic if even just one part of our Women’s Month Series assisted in avoiding a case of women and child abuse. Might I mention that Women’s Month is every month. Although we may be stopping the series, our best interest and wishes lie with you, all year long, eternally.
For the readers we offended, our mission was the opposite. Get the book, The Will to Change, Men, Masculinity and Love by Bell Hooks, we may have misinterpreted her message.