Patriarchy torments the spirit of men in a multifaceted manner that leaves men handicapped. We will investigate those before discussing the revival of males as spiritual beings. The various accounts will be taken as direct quotes from the horses’ mouths to facilitate discernment.
In The Power of Partnership Riane Eisler elucidates: “Some women direct their suppressed anger against men they feel are weak or vulnerable – their sons for example. The psychologist David Winter found that women living in countries or periods of extreme male dominance tend to be very controlling of their sons, who are the only males it is safe for them to vent against. Women in these circumstances are often subtly, or not so subtly, abusive of their sons.”
The above occurrence is not a one way street. With sons having experienced a significant amount of abuse from both parents when they are young, when older, retaliate to someone they view as weak, that someone is often the mother. Of course with the vow of patriarchal secrecy, mothers suffer in silence at the hands of monsters they created or failed to defend.
Poet and farmer Wendell Berry in The Unsettling of America: Culture and Agriculture tips off that “if we removed the status and compensation from the destructive exploits we classify as ‘manly’, men would be found to be suffering as much as women. They would be found to be suffering for the same reason: they are in exile from the communion of men and women, which is the deepest connection with the communion of all creatures.”
Hooks shelters the above opinion by stating that the majority of men in society have no status, no privilege; they receive no freely given compensation, no perks with capitalist patriarchy. For such men, domination of women and children may be the only way for them to assert a patriarchal presence. Just like that, it becomes apparent that abuse is a case of misdirected anger. Instead of being mad at abusers, we should pity them. Their abuse tactics reveal the emotional turmoil within them, which they need help alleviating.
The first step towards it is starting to feel. Men are denied intimacy on so many levels that grown men end up dating girls young enough to be their daughters because they can get intimate without exploitation. Intimate without exploitation since grown women either take advantage of intimate men or humiliate them. It scares women that the protector is only human after all.
Similarly, women are raised to have relational skills, care for children. It should be highlighted that caring does not necessarily mean loving as women can be lethal patriarchal and abuse weapons. Even other men turn away from men who express unpleasant emotions concerning patriarchy. Madness everywhere. Destroyed emotional bonds with mothers, fathers and friends, the traumas of emotional neglect and abandonment, have wrecked and wounded the spirits of men.
Apart from indulging and understanding their feelings, men can learn intimacy as a relational skill that inculcates the value of self knowledge. Zukav and Linda Francis propose a more meaningful definition of intimacy that imparts that you “create intimacy when you shift from the pursuit of external power – the ability to manipulate and control – to the pursuit of authentic power – the alignment of your personality with your soul.”
In the introduction to Thomas Moore’s Care of the Soul he informs readers, “fulfilling work, rewarding relationships, personal power, and relief from symptoms are all gifts of the soul. They are particularly elusive in our time because we don’t believe in the soul and therefore give it no place in our hierarchy of values… We live in a time of deep division, in which mind is separated from body and spirituality is at odds with materialism. But how do we get out of this split?” Visionary thinkers overture the model of interbeing and interdendency.
Hooks announces that men need to appreciate that their souls matter and caring for them is the primary task of their being. If all men were to unearth superlative soulfulness in their lives instead of seeking dominator model power, the world as we know it would be transformed for the better. The other thing that would change the world for the better is you seeing a wisdom filled quote from the Dalai Lama:
“Compassion is one of the principal things that make our lives meaningful. It is the source of all lasting happiness and joy. And it is the foundation of a good heart. Through kindness, through affection, through honesty, through truth and justice toward all others we ensure our own benefit. This is not a matter of complicated theorising. It is a matter of common sense… There is no denying that if society suffers, we ourselves suffer…. Thus we can reject everything else: religion, ideology, all received wisdom. But we cannot escape the necessity of love and compassion.”
Given that men and boys pursue spiritual healing, they would be in touch with their divine self and in a better position to communicate the universal language of love. All should envisage that divinity is beyond all human constructs of holiness. Your heart, your mind and your body are more than enough to awaken divinity within your soul.
Part of growing up is unlearning things that no longer serve our best interests. The freedom to think for yourself, create the future you desire even if it means letting go of disempowering beliefs that your parents unknowingly drummed into your head. Its a shame that many men with functional brains will fail to break free from patriarchal chains and save their souls. All we can do is hope that at a certain point in their lives, they will choose authentic power over external power.
The book before before our eyes is The Will to Change by Bell Hooks. The next chapter entails reclaiming male integrity.