Dear African, Are You Tired Of Getting Played?

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The law of evolution that has one principle – its survival of the fittest, governs the earth.  Tons of things like companies and governments have been exposed to grovelling situations and yes, only the fittest survive.

One aspect that has raised the stakes of evolution is dating. People have gotten tired of the concept of monogamous relationships and have evolved to ‘situationships’.

In a world that is filled with many books and TED talks about how to keep a relationship thriving, Africans still seem to be getting played because the idea of roses and chocolate is far-fetched in our cultural context.

The ideologies of romanticism simply do not apply to the African culture and many relationships do not last. The big question remains, ‘Dear African, Are You Tired of Getting Played?’

Appalled by the reality that thousands of books written about romance were not applicable to African Culture, 26 year old Mohosho Pofane has published a book with insights on romance – the African way! Pofane is a National University of Lesotho graduate who is vocal about the need for youth to adapt a ‘Do It Yourself’ mentality. 

He shares that his love for reading and writing started when he was very young and he was inspired to polish his writing when he was said to be ‘too young’ to publish anything. It was that slap on the cheek that made him realize that the best thing to do when one gets a no is to re-evaluate and refine the skills he has then do it yourself.

This very mentality gave him the courage to publish a self-help book of international standard that is sold both in physical stores and on Amazon Kindle.The title of Pofane’s book is Getting Played.

The reason he gave it this daring title was that he felt many people had been victims of pain caused by being played in relationships. His aim was to educate people about the different ways they could use to sustain a relationship the African way.

He specifically wrote this for Africans because many ideals we have been taught about romance apply to the western world. Taking romance lessons that do not apply to us forces many to walk blind in relationships and many endure unnecessary pain that could have been stopped.

Getting Played was inspired by the birth of Pofane’s niece. In his own words, “Initially, the book was supposed to be a pep talk for my niece, Ponts’o Pofane who was born in 2015. I was worried that her existence will at some point be met with the cruelty of being played, as is the case with many of us. Ultimately, I figured that such information could benefit not just her but anyone who enters the dating world.”

Getting Played is truly a must-have for all who want to stop the gimmicks of ghosting others or even cheating.  It recognizes the African culture and the standard of living among Africans with regard to the notion of dating.

In Pofane’s opinion, relationships are the essence of who we are as a people. They make us lovers, family, friends and colleagues. Our growth as people stems from the kind of relationships we keep and this book focuses on maintaining healthy relationships in dating.

It is only if we have better relationships with others that we can be a happy and productive society. After all, there is a maxim that it is only when we feel good that we can do good.

The book also helps people deal with issues that are often difficult to address in relationships. It sheds light on the need for communication and voicing one’s needs in a relationship. Moreover, it gives different mechanisms to unlearn the toxic fairytale expectations that we have in relationships.

The most important topic discussed in Getting Played is the daunting reality that many people date aimlessly. As a result, many end up in toxic relationships that color the perspective they have about love and these people ultimately perpetuate toxicity towards those who genuinely want love.

It seems that ‘situationships’ are ruining the initial concept of dating and many people are afraid of being vulnerable enough to love. In the words of Micheal Todd, “Where the intent of something is unknown, abuse is inevitable.”

These very words colored Pofane’s perspective in the compilation of his book. He believes that it is high time people start dating with an aim and not for Instagram pictures.  He moves on to allude that as beautiful as love is, the reason people are distorting it is because they too have been victims of toxic relationships.

In his own words, “We all know that love is a beautiful thing. It’s a risk that most of us take over and over again with the hope of finding the perfect partner whom we’re willing to spend the rest of our lives with.  While searching, we end up in toxic situations, being played or ghosted, as a result, we end up looking at the whole notion of love differently.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we knew the difference between people who come to us to play and those who come with genuinely good intentions? The sequence of events leading to a terrible plight in a relationship is extremely painful.

Someone who seemed to be into you, just as you were letting your guard down misleads you, starting to get excited about the promise of a long-term relationship, the person you were dating totally flakes. They pull away. They dump you. They ghost you. 

The sad part is that all of these terrible events occur with absolutely no warning signs that someone was about to flip the script and at the end of the day, they leave you feeling like a fool for believing in something that clearly was not real and shamelessly move on to their next pawn. Pofane’s book has all the ways to avert this, maybe it’s time to get your own!

A few years ago, icon Steve Harvey published the most sought after dating guide in history –  Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. America was thrilled because all the secrets about dating in their world were exposed.

This time, Africa should definitely throw a festival to celebrate our very own Mohosho Pofane for publishing Getting Played because he is a Steve Harvey in the making!

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Grace is an uprising youth activist who uses her voice to inspire and inform. She has worked internationally as the Deputy Secretary General with Model UN Impact. This is where she advocated for youth inclusivity in the implementation of the SDGs and further launched projects such as PHAHAMA MOSALI. She is currently the youngest SDGs Ambassador for the internationally renowned Global Citizens Innovative Solutions SDGs Challenge.